I see that those gloom-and-doom types like Instapundit, Tigerhawk and Rand Simberg are all very upset by the fact that Comedy Central and Borders have refused to have anything to do with material that upsets Muslims – fearing that their indirect support of those who offend the sensibilities of embassy arsonists could lead to firebombings and violence at their stores and offices.

Ladies and gentlemen, when life gives you a lemon, you have to make lemonade. Sure, the First Amendment has been more or less repealed, and we now have something akin to the heckler’s veto – call it, the arsonist’s veto. But I think a lot of us are missing that there’s a great upside to the collapse of the Western ideal of free expression.

As Howard Dean would say, “YOU have the power!” Ideas and arguments that we don’t like can now be removed from public discourse, if we’re smart enough to adopt the proven and effective tactics of Islamist extremists.

Let’s take, for example, Joel Stein. His proud declaration that he doesn’t support the troops bothers me, and I wish he didn’t have the outlet to say it in. Sure, many of us complained, refuted and mocked him, but he continues to write, and the Los Angeles Times continues to publish him.

Now we have another option, much more likely to get the results we need. We just need to scream like a bunch of maniacs, hold up threatening banners (I like “BEHEAD THOSE WHO DON’T SUPPORT THE TROOPS”, but I’m sure you can come up with your own) and find an embassy representing Joel Stein and/or the Los Angeles Times and burn it to the ground. Really, just a little bit of violence, and I’m sure we’ll have newspapers nationwide refusing to even consider publishing ideas we disagree with.

And isn’t that better for everyone?

Or, as many of you know, I’ve got a book coming out later this year. I hope it gets good reviews. I hope it doesn’t get bad reviews. But now, we the people have the power to force publications to only run good reviews. I’m just going to declare my work the “Holy Book” of Geraghtology, and thus any criticism of it is a great sacrilege, that can only be rectified with the purifying fire of fanatical bloodshed against the offenders in the name of the divinity. Once we’ve gotten a few heads on pikes and burned some offices to the ground, our public debates will be exponentially more sensitive – and by that I mean, more sensitive to our hair trigger tempers, uncontrollable fury, and intractible refusal to abide by Western standards of civil discourse and free expression.

If that’s not progress, what is?

It’s important to adapt to changing times. The old ways of public persuasion being a matter of evidence and facts and ideas are long gone, and no amount of wishing is going to bring time back. It’s time to wake up and smell the kerosene.

Today to win a public debate, you don’t need the more effective argument; you need the more effective arsonist.

Cam: I think you’re on to something. Not the whole “burn those who disagree with us” thing, although that might be kinda fun. No, I’m thinking the Church of Geraghtology.

See, there are these tiny little creatures that live in our pancreas and control our every thought and action. The bad creatures are called “Cretins” and the good creatures are called “Jimmies”. The battle between the Cretins and the Jimmies takes place every day, in every one of us. When we do something bad, the Cretins have won a round against the Jimmies. When we do something good, the Jimmies have won a fight against their sworn enemy.

So how do we ensure that the Jimmies win? Well, first we send $10,000 in small unmarked bills to Jim Geraghty. Then we sit back and let him wave his Holy Hands over our pancreas. The healing power of Jim puts the hurt on the Cretins, letting the Jimmies rule the pancreas with tiny iron fists.

Of course, the Waving of the Holy Hands isn’t a permanent thing. For full effect, it needs to be repeated at least once a month. At $10k a pop.

Forget “Vote to Kill”. When are you coming out with “Jimmynetics”?

Marshall: I’m a PR professional. As such, I’m paid to persuade. And I have to say, this whole persuasion by arson thing seems like a fantastic new approach. I’m going to suggest it around the office. See what everyone else thinks. But man, I think we’re pushing the edge of the envelope here. Way to be innovative, Jim.

Cam again Just think of the new ad campaigns!

McDonald’s: You’d better be lovin’ it, unless you want us to burn down your mother&*!$ing house!

Burger King: You want it your way? You want to keep breathing, you’ll eat what we give to you.

Pontiac: Drive excitement. That’s an order, not a request.

Marshall: Just think of the possibilities. They’re endless. And just think of how it will affect our markets. We’ll all be so much happier — we won’t be faced with all of those pesky choices each day. No need to worry about that annoying freedom to do things — we’ll just do what the guy with the biggest bomb tells us. And won’t all that be a relief.