You know, when this mixed-up topsy-turvy world gets to be too much for me, and I just don’t know what to think, I turn to the source of wisdom that never fails to deliver.

You know who I’m talking about. The big man. The guy with all the answers. Fox News analyst Juan Williams.

What to do on Iran was troubling me, until I read Juan’s comments from this week’s Fox News Sunday:

WALLACE: Juan, how worried should we be by what happened in Iran this week?

WILLIAMS: Well, only in limited sense. I mean, obviously, the fact that they are staging what looked like a high school play with that phony backdrop on the stage — that has a lot to do with generating support for what is a troubled regime that has trouble at home and is trying to secure itself and to make themselves out to be, you know, standing against the great United States, against Israel, all the rest.

But according to the experts, there’s no way that they’re going to have the potential to actually use nuclear weapons for many years to come. So in the short term, I don’t think there’s a great deal of need to worry.
It’s the long term — it’s the idea that this guy is going on talking about wiping Israel off the earth, wiping the United States out. And the contrary thing is what about the allies here. You know, this morning the British say they’re not necessarily going to join on board. The Russians…

WALLACE: Well, for military action.

WILLIAMS: Right. There’s a lot of just concern about the U.S. taking military action and that it could spawn additional terrorist attacks because it could sort of, you know, create a coherent — it could bring together all of the factions who are interested in perpetrating terrorism, even at a time when we’re trying to get Al Qaida under control.

Amen, Juan! Look, our government has top experts taking their very best guesses on how far the secret Iranian nuclear program has gotten. These are the exact same folks who were in charge of watching the Indian and Pakistani nuclear programs, and they were absolutely certain that each country had nukes… the day that they actually detonated their first tests. And these are the folks who had certified that North Korea was living up to its agreements with the U.S. regarding its nuclear program. And these are also many of the same folks providing the intelligence and analysis on Iraq.

With a record like that, there’s no way these guys blow the call on Iran.

According to their estimates, they’re saying the Iranians won’t have a nuke for many years to come. And let’s remember – it took Americans four whole years to build the first atomic weapons, more or less from scratch while fighting World War Two. Clearly, it will take the Iranians much, much longer to build a weapon today, because they’ve got no resource-draining war going on, much more advanced technology, enormous oil wealth, and all of the expertise and technology provided by the A.Q. Khan smuggling network.

And now we’re hearing all this demonization of Mahmoud Ahmedinijad.

Look, it’s not like the guy took Americans hostage.

And, okay, even if he did, it was a long time ago. Everybody does crazy stuff as a kid. Some of us drive too fast; some of us organize an angry mob to invade sovereign American soil, violate international law and threaten to kill innocent civilians. Let he who is without sin cast the first Kalishnakov round.

Remember, when assessing a threat to the country, don’t get distracted by what a foreign leader is actually saying – “I’m gonna wipe Israel off the map,” “I’m going to punish the unbelieving states,” “we can bring about the return of the Mahdi by triggering Armageddon,” blah blah blah. Always focus on what’s in the background when he speaks. If it’s a “phony backdrop” that looked like “a high school play”, then you can be certain the threat is not all that serious. You look at the threats America has faced in its history, the worst menaces always had terrific production values and spent beaucoup bucks on their stage management. It’s about the visuals.

I’m glad Juan reminds us that the Russians are not on board. Because he’s got the foreign policy compass I like to follow – if Vladimir Putin doesn’t like it, it can’t be good for America. That’s a man we can trust to always keep our best interest in his heart. That goes double for China – we’ve got to remember who our true friends are.

Finally, Juan puts his finger on the pulse of the issue: if we attack Iran in an attempt to stop their nuclear program, we might get hit by terrorists. Could you imagine what would happen if we did something so rash and provocative in Iran that terrorists lashed out at, say, New York City or Washington D.C.? Clearly, we have to avoid that at all costs, and do everything possible to keep ourselves in our current state, where we have no risk of terrorist attacks whatsoever.

Remember – there is no link between Iran and terrorism. And if we attack Iran, the terrorists might hit us back in retaliation. We call this policy “deterrence” – and it works in that Iran is deterring us from doing anything they don’t like.

Finally, Juan puts it all in perspective in a question to Bill Kristol:

WILLIAMS: What if it’s simply the rantings of an impotent and ineffective government, a man who is a religious fanatic, Ahmadinejad, and you are going to therefore take the risk of destabilizing the entire region and possibly kicking off World War III? I think I would urge caution, Bill.

Caution indeed. Ahmadinijad is simply the head of an impotent and ineffective government that might soon have nuclear weapons. He’s not dangerous; he’s just a religious fanatic. And if we don’t react with caution, we might destabilize the entire Middle East. Could you imagine a Middle East where there was open hostility between Israel and its neighbors, suicide bombings in Tel Aviv, terrorists getting elected to office in Palestine, car bombings in Lebanon, violence and terrorism all over Iraq, an extremist insurrection in Afghanistan’s mountains and religious extremism in Saudi Arabia? We have to do everything we can to avoid that scenario coming to fruition.

Thank you, Juan Williams. Thank you for showing us the way.

I’ll leave you with two questions:

1) Is there any truth to the rumor that this web site is going to start testing its contributors for “Sarcasm Steroids”?
2) Does anyone know where I can obtain a “Whizzinator”?